Saturday, October 24, 2009

Privacy

I miss my privacy. Was getting dressed this morning, and my youngest son just opened the curtain. Yes, a curtain is all I have to separate me from the rest of the house. Sometimes I really resent it. Like this morning.

When I first decided to move back in with my mother, I claimed the bedroom with the door and told the boys they would sleep in the other room. Of course, my mother vetoed me and put the boys in the room with the door. Well, I didn't know what to make of that then, and I still don't.

It's only temporary though. When she is all better (hopefully by summer), the boys and I will get our own place. I can once again close a door and have some privacy, sit on my bed naked if I want to.

I think that is the hardest part of being in my mother's house again: sucking it all in with nowhere to spit out what feels rotten.

Monday, October 5, 2009

Ready for a Change

There comes a time when everyone should take inventory. I suppose that time is now for me. I have been caretaker for so long that I am beginning to wonder what else there is for me. I love my sons and my mother, but there are days when I am TIRED of looking at them. I am ready to get out of the house; do something; meet people.

I used to belong to a Sister Circle, and we would get together sometimes and blow off some steam. Then I would go home to my husband and sons. Well, I've moved away from my Sister Circle (miss it like hell!), and my husband is no longer in the picture (don't miss him quite so much).

I go to work where I teach other people's kids all day. I pick up my boys. I take care of them and my mother. Then I go to bed to start all over again. Ready for a change.

I make a vow to myself: The next time I have the opportunity to "get away from it all," I will.