Working Again

I am finally back at work!
It has been a long exhausting week. Full of workshops, meetings, open house greetings, etc. All the things that come with starting a new school year. I am tired as...well, you know what, but I am also feeling really good because I feel "purpose" again. Even my mother mentioned last night that I seem to have a new energy. I'm ready to give the new job a chance.

Well, I'm going to try to relax over the weekend. Monday, back to chemo treatments. Tuesday, back to school.

A Day of Surprises

My oldest friend came to visit my mom today and surprised herself as well as me. She was surprised because she didn't know I was here. I was surprised because I didn't expect to see her at all. It had been a long time since we had seen each other.

My boys were extremely happy to see her. They took off running and embraced her. I surprised myself by shedding tears as we hugged. I was just as shocked to see tears in her eyes as well. Things were very strained the last time we tried to communicate with each other. We picked up just where we'd left off. It was good to see her.

The other surprise was not so good. My mother announced that she is thinking of stopping her chemo. She was up and sitting in the living room today, so I assumed she was feeling better. At least better than yesterday. But to think of quitting? I can only think that this is a normal reaction some cancer patients have when they are going through the worst of the side effects, and that tomorrow she will ditch this whole frame of thought. What is the alternative to the treatment? Hope for the best?

August 2009

I am grateful to my mother. Truly, I am. She raised me all by herself. I had everything I ever needed and most of what I wanted. She sacrificed so that I could have. Even today she makes sure that my children and I have all that we need.

These days, I am taking my turn to help her. She was diagnosed with breast cancer several months ago. She has undergone surgery to remove the "spot" and that seemed to go well. She is now undergoing chemo treatments that are beating her down. The last couple of weeks have the been the hardest for her. The chemo makes her really sick.

I do what I can to make her suffering easier, if such a thing can be done. I feel like Don Quixote fighting windmills. All the while, trying to protect my sons from experiencing too much of what is happening to their grandma. I am not complaining. I am only stating what is. It is hard.

It is hard to see her in this condition. She has always been the strongest person I know. To see her in so much pain... It is the hardest thing I have ever faced.